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DIVORCE ARTICLES
How to Break it To Your Younger Children That You are Getting a Divorce
Probably the most difficult thing to do during divorce is telling your kids about it. Even more so, it’s the hardest when you have to handle this while you yourself are hurting inside. You may want to talk to other parents that have gone through the same thing and also rehearsing what you’ll say to them before you actually sit down to talk to them. In most cases, they are already feeling frightened because of how your relationship with each other is changing and you might not show the love you did before. When the children are young they seem to be more sensitive to family stress. They will also probably be feeling like it is entirely their fault and that they are the person responsible for the family not being happy. They might even think that they are supposed to make it right between the two of you and then you and they will be happy again. You as a parent need to tell them over and over again that it is not their fault.
The best thing is if you can both sit down and explain it to the child that you and your spouse are just not happy living together anymore and that you will be much happier if you live in separate homes. You will want to make sure they know that you still love them very much and a divorce will not change this. Elaborate on how wonderful they are and how much they mean to you. You will also want to mention about how much time they will get to spend with each parent and that this is very important to you. It is very important that you let them know that both parents are not divorcing them. They will simply now have two family homes instead of one.
You will want to explain the scheduling with them. Assuming you will have shared custody, you will want to explain that they will be spending special time with you and your spouse. You will want them to be aware this might take some time, but this will happen.
You may find yourself torn between the courts, lawyers, settlement decisions and discussions and maybe even moving, but you will want to make sure you take time out frequently to be with your children and discuss any thoughts are problems that may arise. A good way to display a very stable surrounding for them is to get your parents and relatives involved in the support. You may even want to ask a close relative if they could be a touchstone for your children.
Remember to never compete with your child’s love as this is not a
competition. Please never bad mouth the spouse in front of the child or
force your child to choose sides between the parents. You will also not want
to ask your child about your spouse’s whereabouts or other details.
It is important to reassure them that you love them unconditionally and also
show this to them. Encourage them to talk to you when they are feeling sad
or maybe confused because of the situation. You will want to repeatedly tell
them this is not their fault and the divorce is going to happen no matter
and most importantly just love them with all of your heart.